Human
by Minmei
Summary: [Suikoden 3] A few days after the end of the war, Sasarai receives an unexpected visitor.


The amber moon hung low over the ample forest, top crescent lost in shadow. The lower portion appeared to be suspended from a fold in the black sky, an ominous eye peering to the holy land below.

The halls of the Circle Palace were empty that evening; nary a soldier stood in sight. Three days had passed since their victory, which had been possible only by uniting with a country they had previously deemed the enemy. Such actions were not uncommon in war, however, and the decision had proven beneficial to both sides. After the truth had finally been dragged out into the open, it was all they could do to bring down the madman and spare themselves from complete annihilation. The victory had mended much of the Grasslands' internal strife, and warriors and commoners could be heard cheering for miles. But for one man, it felt like anything but a victory.

Clad in blue, the young bishop paced slowly around his room, one of two activities he had limited himself to for the past hour. Various thoughts swarmed his mind, all of which shared a common link.

_Duty..._ he thought. _A word that justifies one's actions, and conveniently serves as a distraction.__ By performing one's duties, one can forget more "trivial" matters, no matter how great the heartache._

_When I became Bishop, I never thought these trivial matters would include my own creation. And now that war is over, there is nothing to keep the issue at bay. I can no longer run from the truth...and yet, there is every reason to hide from it._

Sasarai crossed over to the small dresser, which had been constructed by the finest carpenters using only the whitest oak trees. He placed his hands on the flawless surface and leaned forward slightly, his shoulders collapsing as he expelled a heavy sigh. The oval mirror before him showed a defeated man, one that was both solemn and devastated.

_My world came crashing down the moment he revealed the truth about our conception. It is strange how I had never even thought about it before that moment. I'd been trained to lead with this rune on my hand for as far back as I can remember; there was nothing else to concern myself with, I suppose. That is probably how I was expected to behave--take charge and never question. I'm almost certain my father wanted it that way. Oddly, my brother seemed bitter at my oblivious nature, that I had chosen to play along...that is, if choice had even been a consideration. That is how we were different._

_And yet...we were the same. We were...brothers, born of the same womb, so to speak. We were clones of our father, sharing his physical features, sharing his face..._ He lifted his head and stared fixedly at his reflection, as though acknowledging it for the first time in his life. He brought a hand up, trailing his fingertips down his cheek. _This face..._

_It was something he hated, I'm sure. It was probably a constant reminder of how he came to be. I wonder...will I be the same?_

He brought his hand down and turned his gaze slightly from the mirror. _I don't know how I'll endure. There are so many things to know, but I don't know if I have the strength to cope with all of it. So far I've received only part of the truth, and there are days when even that much is difficult to bear..._ His features contorted as his own eyes began to fill with tears.

_I don't know what I'll do. I am a bishop of Harmonia and I have many duties to fulfill, but...how can I do so when this knowledge is a heavy weight in my heart? _He shut his eyes tightly, the tears spilling down the sides of his face. _My existence, my life...can I honestly live, knowing what I know now? Is this existence...the absolute extent of all that I was meant to be? Was it truly my choice to become a bishop, or was that disposition, too, implanted in me along with this True Rune? I don't know. I don't know..._

_He, of all people, was the only one to understand, and he did not fare so well. He was willing to destroy this land simply to console his own misery. That which comprised his reason for living he invested toward his every reason for dying. I don't share such intentions, but...I don't know if I'm strong enough to go on._

_I just...don't know..._

"I see that you are troubled, but...that is to be expected..."

Sasarai whirled around, looking alert. "Who-who's there?!" His eyes widened in shock as a woman appeared before him. Long, black hair flowed about a silhouette, the image becoming more defined. The woman's face and robes came into view next, followed by the jewel she kept close to her heart.

"Truth can sometimes mar one's outlook, but that is hardly reason to let it," she calmly responded.

The bishop scowled, both infuriated with and insulted by her presence. "You witch! How dare you intrude upon my chambers!"

"Bishop...do you find it difficult to continue your services with this new knowledge?"

"What business is that of yours?!"

"He, too, had difficulty coping with the truth," Leknaat replied. "I don't know when, exactly, he found out, but I knew something was interfering with his will, his motivation. I knew the despair existed, but I didn't know how to take it away. All I could do was attempt to treat him like a normal person, because in the end, that's what he was."

"Normal?" Sasarai repeated with disgust. "How can you call him that?"

"He had emotions, ambitions just like any other person. Why call him by anything else?"

"He tried to destroy the continent and hurt a lot of people in the process. He was anything but normal."

His bitter words were met with the woman's wistful sigh. "I am well aware of his actions during these past two years. My only regret is that I had known sooner; his rebellion was the one thing I was truly blind to. I blame myself for that much, for I was occupied with watching the fates of all except our own. I mistakenly believed that my training and his participation in wars would be enough to bind the wound he held inside. But it ran far deeper than I could have ever imagined..."

"So why are you here?"

"I am here to make up for my lack of awareness."

"What do you mean?" the bishop started to ask, but then stopped. "Wait a minute. If you think I'm going to lose my head and blow up the continent too, then you're wasting your time. I'm...I'm nothing like him."

"You two were born of the same fate," the woman told him. "It is true that two paths can diverge, but they will always have a common link. You may follow different paths, but that does not mean your own would not bring dire consequences."

"I told you, witch. I'm not interested in the destruction of the world."

"It is not the destruction of the world I see, but rather, the path to your own self-destruction."

Sasarai's expression changed. "My own...?"

"It is true that you are not like him, but do you not share his feelings on the truth of your origin?"

"I..." The bishop turned his face slightly. "He said that to me once. He told me that as much as he hated me, he was the only one who could understand my feelings on the nature of our existence."

"And is he right?"

"Yes..." he reluctantly replied. "But why is that any of your concern? Why would you care about how I live my life, knowing what I do now? If my path does indeed lead to my own self-destruction, then one such as you should take delight in it."

"There is no delight to be taken in someone else's misfortune or misery. You are a bishop of Harmonia, an important symbol for all those who look up to you. What would they do if you were to suddenly lose control?"

"If you mean what happens if I take my own life, then it's simple. My father will simply replace me." There was bitterness in his voice.

"And tell me, can he replace the one who was my apprentice?" Leknaat demanded. "Can he disregard all the times his actions made a difference, in three wars as well as in the life of a young girl? Does he honestly believe that creating another person will erase the name of the one I knew as Luc?"

Sasarai brought his gaze back to the woman, stunned by her outburst.

"He can create all the duplicates he wishes to, but that does not make the two he had insignificant. It's true, eventually he could create another being to replace the one he knew as 'Sasarai.' But as long as Sasarai lives, his life will hold meaning. Whether or not to believe it is entirely up to him."

"L...Lady Leknaat..." Sasarai finally uttered.

The woman sighed. "While I have had issues with your father, I mean no ill toward you. I apologize for having interrupted your evening."

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"I don't...quite understand. We were on a constant mission to search for the True Runes. I was told you had stolen one of ours, but I was never really told why. It troubles me...if you were after the True Rune, then why leave me here?"

"Bishop..." Leknaat began. "...between the two of you, you had the better life. I thought that, if I took him away, I could provide for him a good life, or as closest to one as he could get."

"You really cared about him, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

Sasarai turned away and grew silent. "I'm...sorry for your loss," he said, gradually facing her again. "And looking back, I'm sorry I never really got to know him..."

"Yes..." she said, moving toward him. "But that is not something you should blame yourself for."

The bishop took a defensive stance as the woman drew nearer. Leknaat paused for a moment, sensing the young man's instinctive reaction; she continued only when he dropped his guard. Soon they were a short distance apart.

Sasarai simply stood there, silently questioning the woman's next move, but detected no immediate threat. Leknaat then reached up with a hand, bringing it gently to his face. The young man flinched at her icy touch, but sensed a mysterious, genuine warmth from the gesture.

"I lost my child this hour, three days ago..." she told him in a near whisper, her features tensing. "You...you mustn't..." Leknaat trailed off and turned away. A long silence ensued.

"Do think about what I've said tonight," she finally said. "Your life matters. Your conception, your purpose, everything. The nature of your existence may not be pleasant, but it is reality, and...it is not without hope." With that, the woman vanished.

Sasarai stood there for a moment, and then stepped over to his window.

_Is it?_ he wondered._ Is it truly...? _He raised his head, staring out into the evening. The moon sat higher in the sky, and now emitted a brilliant white. Studying the surface further, he could just barely make out the portion of the moon that had been lost in obscurity.

_Hope..._ The bishop sighed, bringing his gaze to the soft glow on his right palm. _Indeed...it is one of many things I must once again learn to embrace in the darkness. I refuse to take the path he did, seeking death and wishing to take a million others with him. This position may have easily been given to me, but I won't abuse it as he did. For as bleak as his outlook on life was, he still had a choice...and he chose to embrace despair. If I were to embrace hope, just maybe..._

_No...most certainly..._

_I would accomplish all that he could not._


End file.
